


At the Drop of a Hat

by RickGrimes



Category: Walking Dead, Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Character Death, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Not Rick and Carl though, Post-Terminus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-03
Updated: 2014-05-03
Packaged: 2018-01-21 17:44:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1558739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RickGrimes/pseuds/RickGrimes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Non-Romantic (No relationship), Post-Terminus fic where Rick and Carl are looting a house when something small causes Carl to have a breakdown. Everything they've been through hits Carl and Rick walks in on him crying and comforts him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	At the Drop of a Hat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tumblr Anon](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Tumblr+Anon).



> Hey everyone, this is for an anonymous requester. Hope you enjoy! This isn't sappy hurt/comfort. It's more of a pep-talk.
> 
> The characters that I decided to have die at Terminus have nothing to do with my dislikes and likes, btw, just happened to be what I thought worked.
> 
> I hope you enjoy! This one is has a father/son dynamic, but not an incestuous one.  
> <3

With most of his family by his side, and a few new friends, Rick barely found it challenging to overpower their captors at Terminus. There had been some people there who surrendered, but the group had been through too much. They took out everyone. It wasn’t the time for their humanity to take precedent. They’d suffered losses too, but not nearly as many as their opponents. It was almost too perfectly constructed that Glenn should be the one to greet Rick first in the traincar when it had been almost the same in Atlanta. It made it that much worse to see him die. They’d lost Eugene too which made going to Washington futile. There was nothing left now.

Abraham wasn’t doing well without a mission to guide him. He had Rosita, but that was it. He was supposed to help save the world and now he was just another survivor.

Maggie was broken. Devastated with the loss of her husband. She had nobody now. Her father dead and sister too, presumably. She tagged along with the group because there was nothing else to do.

Bob and Sasha were strengthening their bond. Sasha was still preoccupied with the question of Tyreese’s survival. She wanted to look for him, but had no idea where to even start.

Tara stuck with Michonne who reluctantly took the girl under her wing. Both of them were wildcards, assimilated with the group after time.

Daryl was still reeling from the loss of Beth and everything that had happened with Joe and the group. He still felt guilty for what went down, but he was trying to let it go under Rick’s forgiveness.

Rick was leading again, but with say from mostly everyone who wanted one. Abraham was happy to let him guide given his lack of purpose now, and Daryl was treading lightly. Everyone else was too broken or disinterested to really want to be the leader.

Carl…he was okay. Hanging in there, but close to slipping. He was sad to lose Glenn. He was happy to still have his dad and Michonne who he’d become close with. He was cool with Daryl too. It wasn’t like anything was particularly bad now. Escaping Terminus eliminated a huge threat, but he wasn’t where he should be. He was trying to keep his thoughts and emotions at bay so they didn’t consume him. The boy concentrated on what needed to be done. Do first and feel later.

The group headed away from the ‘sanctuary’ back down the train tracks that had led them there. After days of walking, they finally separated from the tracks and continued on their own way. It was a rough trek, but they finally happened upon a small subdivision that seemed promising for supplies and shelter.

Rick instructed the group that they would take a house, leaving half the group to secure and sustain it while the rest of the group was divided into teams to scavenge the rest of the block. Daryl and Maggie, Rick and Carl, then Tara and Michonne. This left 4 at the house and 6 scavenging.

 

Rick and Carl took the section of houses to the right of the one they’d claimed as their own with the group. The first house was done without incident and they retrieved food and weapons. They continued down the block until they reached the last house designated to them.

Carl went upstairs while his dad searched the ground floor. He was searching through drawers when he found a hat. It reminded him of someone. It took only a few seconds to realize who. The hat was just like the one Dale used to wear. He clutched it in his hand tightly.

Such an insignificant item brought it all down. The semblance of sanity and acceptance he’d assumed was gone. Everything he’d been holding back hit him. His knees buckled under the weight of his emotions and he fell to the ground, sobbing.

Carl thought of when he’d first met Dale. The man had called him son politely like he did to all the younger men, reminding him of his dad. He remembered when he thought his dad was dead. Losing the first camp they’d made. Sophia. Causing Dale’s death. Putting Shane down after he’d turned--to save his dad. Losing the farm. Losing his mom. Killing that boy. The sickness. The Governor. The prison destroyed. Everyone dead. Judith. Thinking he’d lost his dad. Getting assaulted. Being held captive.

The pain never stopped. He was constantly being thrown from childhood to adulthood, expected to act like a kid when everything was fine and like a capable adult when they needed him. So much death and suffering. He couldn’t take it anymore. He threw the hat across the room.

Rick wondered what was taking the boy so long upstairs and went to check on him, entering the room and seeing his son on the floor crying.

“Whoa, whoa. Carl,” Rick said, kneeling on the floor next to the boy.

Carl had been holding it together so well, and he had hardly seemed to be affected by anything that had happened, so Rick was surprised at this. Maybe everything was finally taking its toll on the boy and this was him finally letting it out.

Rick didn’t bother asking what was wrong because that was a stupid question. Everything was wrong.

“I’m here,” was all he said, sitting next to Carl and reaching out his arms. He didn’t want to hug the boy in case he didn’t want to be comforted and he lashed out, but he wanted Carl to know it was an option.

Carl hesitantly accepted his father’s reach and moved closer to him, allowing the man’s arm to drape around his shoulders. They sat side by side on the ground, leaning on the dresser. An echo of all their past serious conversations.

“Everything is pointless,” Carl said, “It’s all pain and death. Nobody wins. Look at all that’s happened to us, Dad. We never catch a break. It’s only a matter of time before something or someone else tries to kill us or eat us or take from us. It’s shit.”

Rick didn’t even have a good argument to make against Carl’s words. It was the truth. “We still have each other. Until then I think it’s worth it to keep fightin’. We’ve lost. A lot. But we always find a way to keep going. It’s the only thing we can do even though it’s hard.”

“It’s bullshit. Why should we have to? Why can’t things just be the way they used to?”

“I wish I could tell you, Carl. Even before all this, life wasn’t much better. That’s what life is. Some good. Some bad. A lot of bad in our case, but you deal with it. You fight until you can’t. You fight for the right reasons because that’s all you can do. That’s why I’m still here.”

“Why am I here?” Carl asked.

“You’re strong. You have people that care about you. But it all comes down to you. What you’re stayin’ alive for. Why you keep going. No amount of protection me or anyone else gives you means anything if you don’t work to survive. Seems to me no matter how bad things have been, you get through it. You must have a reason to not give up.”

Carl shrugged, “I just do it.”

Rick nodded, “You know I was gonna kill myself once.”

“When?” Carl asked, frowning.

“Back in Atlanta. I was under that tank, surrounded by walkers. No way out. One weapon. I was as good as dead.”

“What happened? I don’t think you ever told me.”

“I had my gun to my head. I said my last words to you and your mom, and then I looked up. There was an open hatch to the tank so I locked myself in. Glenn got me outta there and then you know the rest,” Rick admitted.

“I know that was then, before things got even worse. But at that point, that was the worst it’d been for me. Riding into Atlanta on a horse like an idiot and almost getting myself killed. But even with how bad it was, I wasn’t done yet. Holding on to find a solution. Finding Glenn. Someone willing to help and put his ass on the line to save a stranger. That’s worth fighting for. Since then things have been hell. A life I never wanted, for me or for you, but no matter how bad it gets, or I get, I find my way back and through. People die. People get hurt. We lose. But we stick together and pull through. That’s what you have to do, Car," Rick paused, looking at Carl to make sure his words were resonating, "I’m sorry for everything that you’ve been through. For the things you’ve had to do and see and have done to you. But you’ll get through it, I know you will, and then we keep going as long as we can. One more day. One more week. We survive.”

Carl listened to Rick’s words. He was focusing on his dad’s voice, trying to extract all the meaning he could out of the long-winded speech. He wanted to remember this.

“I don’t know if I can,” Carl admitted, “I get what you’re saying, but it’s just so hard. After everything…how am I supposed to just move on?”

“I know, son. You already have done it though. All you’ve been through and here you are, instead of giving up you’re listening to me. You want to be talked into having hope or else you wouldn’t have listened to me this long.”

“You are talking a lot,” Carl said pointedly, “I guess you’re right, but,” he sighed, “It’s exhausting.”

“I know, and you know what? It might all be for nothing. We might have to go through even worse. Lose more, but even if that happens. We can say we tried. We might come out on top or not even make it, but I need to at least try. For you and myself. To be honest, you’re what’s been keeping me going. I’m tired too, Carl.”

Carl pulled his knees up to his chest, “It doesn’t make the past okay. It’s still wrong, but maybe we have to keep going for everyone who can’t. For mom and Judith. For everyone.”

“We’re living a tragedy and we’ve both done things that aren’t anything to be proud of, but we’re gonna keep going. No matter what, okay?”

“Okay,” Carl agreed. Both he and Rick knew that their troubles weren’t just occupying the past, there would be more to come. He couldn’t just get over all the suffering from the past year. Suffering of his family and himself, but his dad was right. They had to do this for everyone who couldn’t. They had a group depending on them. People rooting for them. Things might not get better, and, in fact, maybe even get worse, but they were going to fight.

With that, they stood. Rick pulled in Carl for a hug, clutching him tightly and then releasing him, putting his hand on the boy's neck, as was his usual gesture. He smiled at his son and Carl smiled back. After the moment dissolved, they detached and continued their task, heading back to the group with more purpose and hope than they'd previously had.

 


End file.
